Finding Stella's Groove

Fast Cash

2009-11-21T13:10:00.001-08:00

Today I earned $175 on selling other people my crap.

Bring it on Black Friday!

Beautiful.

A Bushel

2009-11-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

For many, many years growing up I was forced to take piano lessons. And when I say forced I mean FORCED. I once tried to throw myself down the stairs so that I would break my hand or wrist or arm or anything that would prevent me from making the trek up the hill to the dreaded piano teachers house. It could have had something to do with the fact that 1)she was mean and would poke my wrists with pencils so I would curve them more, 2)her daughter wore my old clothes and it creeped me out cause her daughter looked like a troll doll, 3) she made me wash my hands in her basement utility sink with dish soap before touching her beloved thrift store piano, 4)lessons were in her basement which smelled musty and old and I swear I remember a cockroach or two running across my feet-although I am pretty sure that my feet didn't touch the ground that they don't have cockroaches in Alaska (maybe they were mice!) but whatever, you get the mood of the basement.

My point is-I was FORCED to play the piano. I hated it. A lot.

Until one day I discovered that I could play the piano!

I could sit down at the piano with an unknown piece of music in front of me and I knew the language.

I get to create beauty when I sit down and play the piano.

I play and I remember that a) I CAN create beauty and b) that I do have at least one talent that I can touch, taste, and smell (okay I know but you get the point-tangible).

Although the early years of me half rolling half scooting down the stairs in hopes of breaking something were not all that beautiful (funny yes beautiful no) the result is a 30 year old woman being able to create a moment of beauty amongst choas (chaos being a child on each end pounding away during a Bach concerto- but really what's a few extra notes in one of those anyway!).

It is a beautiful escape.

comfy

2009-10-16T11:55:00.000-07:00

Beautiful new, clean, bright, soft, comfy new underwears.
Ahhhh, there's something about you...

Spot of tea

2009-10-06T10:42:00.000-07:00

Having a cup of tea (herb) as a nightcap is wonderful. I opened all the doors last night so that it would be a little cool in the house and heated up a nice cup of Pomegranate Pizzazz herb tea. It was so fun and it made my day a little more beautiful to sit around sipping a spot of tea. (And it is even better when done while speaking in an English accent.)

Not as beautiful as a gotta-have-it Founders Favorite from Cold Stone but drink up to a close third or fourth! If you are lost then good for you and if not good for me!

stinky buns vs. sticky buns

2009-10-04T15:31:00.001-07:00

It is unfortunate that so much of my beauty lately has been revolving around sweets...I must remedy this...but for now there is nothing says beautiful like sticky buns on a lazy afternoon.

the wee hours

2009-10-03T06:50:00.001-07:00

This morning I woke up 30 minutes before everyone else and sat in front of our huge window and watched the sun rise while I sat on the couch. It was a beauty filled moment.

the best beauty created

2009-10-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

Today my beauty is my daughter. I know, I promised that this wouldn't be about my kids and it isn't really. It is about the beauty that I created on this day. The beauty that is my life as I know it now.
It is the 8th anniversary of the day my life changed forever in the best way.
It is the day I grew up. It is the day I became a child again.
It is the day that I created my role as a mother, the greatest and most influential role of my life.
Although it may not always feel beautiful it will always create beauty in my life.

The Bell Saved Me

2009-09-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

Preparing dinner around my house is usually a time of chaos and fighting.

Last night I refused to take part.

I turned on my old school Saved By the Bell soundtrack and sang every word while preparing mashed butternut squash, broccolli and cabbage, and steak.

It was beautiful part of the day.

deep fried beauty

2009-09-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

Even though I can feel my blood coagulating as I type.

Whomever discovered that an onion could be turned into a blooming flower and then deep fried in lusciously seasoned batter is beautiful.

And whom ever founded the creamy dipping sauce is a supermodel.

Ah-Love Oil

2009-09-24T12:46:00.000-07:00

This may be dumb but my beauty for today is olive oil. It tastes good and I use it a lot in cooking but I have discovered a new use for it.

We have been pretty tight on money lately...I am not really sure why...I think maybe our bank account has a very tiny leak that has been unaccounted for and cannot be seen by the naked eye. Anyway, the leak has caused me to run out of all things cosmetic and so I have been forced to be creative.

Did you know that olive oil is a great make-up remover as well as a great moisturizer...as well as a great dipper for bread with spices and a little balsamic...mmmmm...lunch time anyone?

I know now and it is beautiful...and so am I dangit.

Dear pro-form

2009-09-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

My dearest treadmill,
I would like to bid you a fond farewell. Your services have been well recieved and I love your little fan that has cooled me over the last few years. Your timing is impeccable and your speed and accuracy are flawless. It isn't you, I promise. It is me. I can't help but want to run away. The call of the wild is echoing my name...Stella! Stella! So for now I will pack you up and bring you out on a rainy day, not that you are my sloppy seconds-never! You have been my everything for so long there will always be a special place for you in my heart.
Always on your rubber mat that goes in constant circles,
Stella

My beauty today is running in the wild (okay my neighborhood) to a rising sun, ipod, and a nice cool breeze.

Jammin' after midnight

2009-09-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

Driving. By myself. Radio surfing. At 12:30 a.m.
Although I am paying for the after midnight part it was beautiful.

Lance Burton, not so much

2009-09-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

Abra cadabra it hasn't been a year...poof!

Magic.

We have moved and I must say it has been quite interesting.

One beautiful thing about where we now live is my morning walks with my children to school.

I bust them all out in the wagon and bikes and we head off for our 3 minute journey to the corner.

I kiss my daughter sweetly on the head and watch as my oldest heads off.

It is these kinds of moments that make me realize that I am living the life I always thought I would. Sometimes it feels like that chance was robbed from me but it wasn't...this is what matters.

And it makes my life feel like magic and I am the magician that changes how it looks.

That is beautiful: the magician in me.

Oops

2008-10-20T20:22:00.001-07:00

Okay, I know, I haven't been working on my groove lately...haven't been having good days. Not horrible days, just failing to create beauty. Today I spent the day (besides laundry, work and blah blah) working to create more beauty in my house by adding beautiful finishing touches to unfinished projects throughout my house.

One thing I have discovered about being depressed is that it makes for many unfinished projects. A little hot glue, a hammer, some nails, and a bit of wood glue later...I have finished a few things to make life a little better (and to clear out my unfinished project table).

I knew that this whole "getting my groove back" thing would be hard but it is a little tougher than I thought. If you are working on it too I am glad to let you know that there are other people out there that struggle too. I am not one of those people (at least Stella isn't) that will pretend that I find beauty in everything in my life...I don't but I am working on it and that is all you will get.

Juiciness on bread

2008-10-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

Beautiful jalapeno burgers with grilled onions, cheese, thousand island dressing, tomato, and lettuce...that I didn't have to cook.

Das Wetter

2008-10-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

That is German for, the weather. My beauty today is the weather. The high today was 71. At last...we spent almost the whole day outside and I have thousands more freckles to prove it. That is not my beauty...the freckles. It is fun to let the kids play on their bikes, finally, and do a little yard work without sweating my patooty off.

Thank heavens.

Ahhh

2008-10-13T07:54:00.001-07:00

Beauty= falling asleep at 8:45 p.m. in my lovely boudeau

Night night me

2008-10-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

Well bedtime is always beautiful but I have decided one thing to make my day more beautiful is to create beauty in my boudeau (you know the french word for bedroom...I have no idea if I spelled it right but you catch the drift and no, I am not talking about S-E-X perv. This has nothing to do with that.). About the time that I start getting the kids ready for bed (or after depending on the level of grouchiness) I make sure that my bed is made and looks pretty, that the room is clear of all children's shoes, books, and toy parfanalia, and then I turn on the lamp and warm up my smelly gardenia candle. By the time I go to bed it is smelling luscious, looking cozy, and calm. It is kind of like my own personal turn down service; if I had mints I would lay one out for myself. It is amazing what a difference it has made at the end of my days. This is just one way that I have found to create a moment of beauty and make bedtime a process to remember that peace and joy are possible even when I have a had a really cruddy day. (Now that I look at my room in this picture I really need to paint that wall...)

unshaven

2008-10-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

My beauty for today is unshaven legs.I was driving and I had the air on pretty high (sad for October I know) and I got the goosebumps. Now normally I would think "Ah crap I just shaved!"...but I didn't just shave so it's all good. Very liberating, kind of like when you don't have eye make-up on and so you can rub your eyes at will...good feeling!

So goosebumps, hit me with your best shot!!

lessons from desert landscaping

2008-10-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

I met with my Bishop today. My beauty is the counsel that he gave me and the thoughts that it evoked. We talked about appreciating life.
Lately I have been really thinking about this life. I have told a lot pf people that I am praying for the Second Coming, and I still am but I can't keep going through this life waiting for the next. I was driving mykids to one of the many places that I drive and I passed a row of desert trees (which by the way have already been unrooted 3 or 4 times this summer because of the monsoons) and I thought "i wonder if those trees will be in the Millenium?" Random, I know, but with my qwest to find beauty I tend to have random deep thoughts. But then I had this overwhelming feeling of appreciation for this life and for this experience. I thouhgt about all of my past life experiences, for example, my study abroad in Austria...I loathed going up the 76 winding stair every morning to get to school but now those stairs are a funny memory that makes me go to a simpler and amazing experience in my life.
I wonder how many things in this life I will never be able to experience again, and how many things I will never get to learn again---this is it! This is the time to go through trials, to revel in the heat, play in the rain, appreciate the ugly, wiry desert trees. This is the time to learn all that I want to learn, to become that person that can stand before the Lord at the judgment day and tell Him all about the cool things that we did, and saw, and experienced, and then give Him an accounting of what we learned from all of that. I intend to be able to tell Him this little beauty that I learned while driving to wherever, seeing a desert tree.
My beauty today is that this life is amazing and an opportunity greater than any that I will ever have again, not because mylife is boring, but because it is the ultimate experience, the ultimate "Amazing Race"!

Catch up

2008-10-08T07:48:00.001-07:00

Well I missed the last two days...just got busy!

Monday: My beauty on Monday was a walk with my kids...the weather is getting cooler and it is actually tolerable and somewhat cool if you can catch it before 10 a.m. Arizona is beautiful when the weather is nice and the smell of orange blossoms is pungent this time of year!

Tuesday: My beauty yesterday was that I got to drive in the car by myself and had some time to think about what ever I wanted to and I had the feeling that this life is a fabulous adventure...a better adventure than any other that I have had and that is pretty exciteing. It is the only time that we will ever have these mortal experiences and that makes me want to take advantage of every experience...good and bad because you never know what things you will miss when it is all over!

This day

2008-10-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

Okay so today was a better day. Conference was nice and it was really nice to not have to jump out of bed this morning and rush to get to church. The kids fought like crazy but we were still able to hear most of the talks. My beauty for today has to do with my big brother. We have had an interesting relationship. Growing up we fought constantly but I always felt connected to him, of course, we were siblings and he has had a rough road and I have prayed for him most of my life and I believe that we are connected to the people that we pray for even if they don't feel it. We have been close in a weird sort of not close way, if that makes sense. I have never really known how he felt about me or if he considered us to be friends. It has actually been within the last few years as I have been fighting the battle of my life that we have gotten closer. He has told me within the last couple of weeks that he thinks that I am (I am quoting here) "phenomenal" and I am not trying to toot my own horn, well actually I am and I think it is okay to say that that made me feel good and it meant a lot coming from him.

Then today he gave me a card for my birthday and he wrote some nice things in it. That is my beauty for the day...a growing relationship with my big brother.

Another day

2008-10-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

So today was kind of a hard day. I have felt heavy and a little bit like my light went out and I haven't been able to shake it.

I did however stick with my challenge of finding a bit of beauty today. There was a moment today when I was watching TV on the couch at my in laws and my baby was leaning against me and just sitting there with his fat little legs resting out in front of me on my [fat little] leg---he actually held still for a few moments and I was afraid to move because I didn't want to ruin that moment. Those moments haven't been happening very much now that he is on the move, he never seems to hold still for very long. It was a beautiful moment and I am grateful that I was able to snap out of whatever funk I have been in today long enough to notice it.

blueberry birthday muffin

2008-10-03T16:38:00.000-07:00

Robert Frost said it best :

“You ought to have seen what I saw on my way

To the village, through Mortenson’s pasture to-day:

Blueberries as big as the end of your thumb,

Real sky-blue, and heavy, and ready to drum

In the cavernous pail of the first one to come!

And all ripe together, not some of them green

And some of them ripe! You ought to have seen!”

Today is full of beauty. It is my 29th b-day! I got to spend the day with my mom and it was so nice. A friend took the kids and we spent the day spending a few birthday dollars. My hubby fulfilled my request of blueberry muffins with the crumble topping and I am all good today.

Day one of the journey

2008-10-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

These flowers are beautiful...they give me joy because my daughter who just turned 7 gave them to me on her birthday and wrote me a letter saying thank you for carrying her around in my tummy while she grew. Today while the kids were quiet (mostly because 50% of them were gone) as I walked by the table I noticed how the sun was coming in through the window and how beautiful they looked. I couldn't resist making a note of the moment.

Don't flowers look awesome with tulle around them like that--it makes them glow!! I bought myself that table cloth for my birthday and I love staring at it cause it is so freaking cool!